More Trouble with Flat Cats
by StBridget
Summary: Or, The Continuing Adventures of Jenny Anydots. Danny just knew letting Kono keep the flat cat would be trouble. AU Xeno-files.


**Hawaii Five-0 is property of CBS and its creators.  
**

 **A/N: .3 indicated he wanted more flat cats, and JeanBlythe wanted to know what they ate. Hopefully, this satisfies both of you. ;)**

Danny knew letting Kono keep the flat cat was a mistake. "It's just one, Danny," she'd said. "How much trouble could she be?"

A lot, as it turned out. Jenny Anydots, as Kono had named the flat cat, after T.S. Eliot's Gumbie Cat, made famous in the 20th Century Broadway Musical Cats. Danny appreciated the trouble Kono had gone through to look up the reference and name the critter after he'd called the flat cat a Gumbie Cat, but he didn't appreciate the trouble it got into.

Kono seemed incapable of keeping the creature in its cage, or maybe it was just that good of an escape artist. Or most likely both. The only time it seemed to stay put was overnight, and that's because it was in the freezer and therefore dormant. The rest of the time, it popped up at odd moments and odd places around Five-0's office. Danny had found the thing in the coffee pot, in the toilet, in his lunch bag (where it had made short work of his lunch), in his desk drawer, and on his desk (pretty much daily, and usually happily chomping on his paperwork. Danny didn't even know why there was still so much paper, anyway. It was the 25th century after all. Hadn't they gotten rid of it all back in the 21st Century?).

And now it was in his go bag. In his living room. Contentedly chewing his tie. His _favorite_ tie that his daughter had given him when he moved to Aloha Station and the lovely colony of New Hawaii, a place of too much sun, too much sand, and pineapple on pizza. Idly, Danny wondered what the flat cat would think of the last abomination. It'd probably love it.

Danny pulled his wandering thoughts back to the matter at hand, namely his unwanted visitor. Fortunately, it shouldn't be too hard to take care of; he could just put it in the freezer overnight. Unfortunately, he'd just gone grocery shopping, so the freezer was chock full of frozen pizza (not with pineapple, heave forbid!) and burritos. Well, he'd just have to make room; it wouldn't take up much space. "Don't go anywhere," he told it as he went to accomplish his task. The thing just let out its trademark purr and continued chewing.

Danny was gone less than five minutes, but when he came back, the flat cat was gone, leaving a few scraps of cloth that had formerly been a tie in its wake. "Dammit," Danny cursed. He'd have to find it, and fast, before it got into the ventilation system and ended up God knew where.

Danny tore his apartment apart, looking everywhere a flat cat could possibly hide, and a few places it probably couldn't, though he wouldn't put it past it. First, he tore his go bag apart, but it hadn't burrowed further in, although he did notice that the cuff of his dress shirt looked decidedly chewed. Apparently, the flat cat had gotten bored of the tie. Next, Danny checked the sofa bed, tossing all the cushions willy-nilly and feeling in the cracks. He found several marbles belonging to his son Charlie the stylus to his tablet he thought he'd lost, various pieces of silverware, and a chew stick belonging to his daughter Grace's pet rabbit Mr. Hoppy. How did that get there anyway? Mr. Hoppy had never even set foot—er, paw—in Danny's apartment. What Danny didn't find was any sign of the flat cat, not even any nibbled upholstery.

The kitchen was next. Even though Danny had been there when the creature escaped, he figured it could have slipped in and secreted itself any number of places. He opened all the cupboards and drawers, checked the coffee pot, even felt down the garbage disposal. No dice.

Danny was starting to panic. The longer it took him to find the flat cat, the more likely it was it would escape through the ventilation system. He went into his room, desperately hoping he'd find it there. It wasn't in any of the drawers, or under the bed, or between the mattress and the frame. Damn. Utterly frustrated, Danny went to check the closet. There, perched on his pile of dry-cleaning, working on another tie, was the flat cat. At least it wasn't one of his favorites this time, Danny thought.

In relief, Danny grabbed it and shoved it in the freezer, closing the door firmly. He'd return it to Kono in the morning.

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In the morning, Danny found a cage and shoved the flat cat in it. Hopefully, it wouldn't thaw before he got to the government offices. He should be so lucky. The creature wormed its way out of its cage while Danny was on the tram on the way to work. He didn't even realize it until a woman a few rows down screamed. "There's a _thing_ under my seat!"

Danny went to retrieve the flat cat. "Sorry, it's mine. It got out of its cage."

The woman glared at him. "You should keep better control of it," she said.

"I will," Danny promised and started to return to his seat. A young child spotted the creature and pointed at it excitedly. "Kitty!"

"Um, not exactly," Danny replied.

"What is it?" the child's mother asked.

"Altairian flat cat," Danny responded.

"Are they available as pets?"

"Sorry, no. We had to get special permission to keep this one."

The woman's face fell. "Oh, too bad."

"You wouldn't want one anyway," Danny informed her. "They're more trouble than they're worth, trust me."

The woman looked wistful. "It's awfully cute, though."

"I suppose." Danny just didn't see the appeal. He was more of a dog person.

Danny returned to his seat and held the cage on his lap. He felt motion and looked down. The flat cat had tilted itself sideways and was worming its way out through the bars. "So, that's how you do it! Well, we'll just fix that." He found a newspaper someone had discarded and fitted it around the door to the cage. That didn't last long, though. Within a few minutes, the flat cat had chewed a hole through it and was once more trying to escape. So Danny settled for clutching the cage as tightly as possible to his chest, until he felt the animal nibbling on his tie. Danny sighed. Kono was definitely paying to replace the ties her precious pet had ruined.

After what seemed like an eternity, Danny arrived at the Five-0 offices. He marched into Kono's office and slammed the cage down on her desk. "Look what followed me home."

Kono opened the cage and gathered the flat cat into her arms. "Jenny! There you are! I was so worried about you!"

"You have to keep better track of that thing," Danny said.

"I will," Kono promised. "I swear, she'll never bother you again."

Danny wished he believed her.

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A/N: Lots of flat cat pictures at H50xenofiles on FB.


End file.
